Humbling River

Today was a day meant for overcomming. I woke up early to stretch and run. I did my budgeting for the day and showered. Brushed my teeth and dressed. Then I just sat on my bed, lolling in and out of sleep, unwanting of the day to come. But, like we all must, I accepted the day’s burdens and headed to class. I was tired. On many planes. Tired of being awake. Tired of walking. Tired of having responsibilities unlike I’ve ever had before. And tired of my language barrier.

Learning a language has been by far the hardest challenge I’ve ever took on. I’m not sure if I’ve even accepted it yet, let alone offered a hand to shake. But I know what it takes to learn. I know exactly what to do, and I’m so afraid of doing it. We all can relate to this. We know how to ask the right questions and reply back with good answers, but fear makesus hesitant.

I know what I must do to learn This Language, but I’m leaning on a cliff, looking over at the pristine waters that shine brilliantly in the sun, looking over and too damn scared to jump. All that is between me and a chance of a life time is the jump. How do I jump?

So I walked to class, and I did alright in my morning classes. After lunch, I decided to skip my afternoon classes (don’t worry, they aren’t required. Just there if I need them.) and headed to the IC Café. Tons of student tutors are there to specifically help one with Japanese and Japan. This is a hot spot for learning Japanese. This is the answer to all of my questions. I walked up to the door of the IC and saw a ton of people. They were still eating lunch. So I walked away and went to the bathroom, hoping the numbers would decrease, which they did, but barely.

I stood 10-15 minutes outside the doors wondering whether or not I should go it. I was afraid. I am afraid. Of what? Of not knowing enough Japanese!? You are in Japan to learn Japanese! I need to be in that room learning this beautiful language. So after a 30 minute walk home, I regret I didn’t jump. There I was, looking at the clear blue sea, sun lit and all, and couldn’t jump.

Again, this is very hard for me. I see my wall. I see the wood, nails, and hammer. I know how to build my latter, but I’m intimidated by how big the wall is. I can never cross it on my own. I’ll need help.

And then I thought of a song to which this blog is named after.  I’ll let you take a listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkxdXj7PxRU

If I never make the jump or climb, my cliff and wall will always be there. But if I jump and climb, I can swim in placid waters and explore new worlds.

I have to jump. I have to build. And tomorrow, I will.